it had to happen

ok, let's face it: it wasn't going that well. first, i kinda quit the scene. then, i find out that there is another jeenio right here: http://www.last.fm/user/jeenio/

ok, let the kid have it. the nickname - it's yours.

i like being exclusive on this matter - like in other matters as well - so i decided not to use the nickname jeenio anymore.

which means: goodbye.

pensamentos e punhetas

estes excertos são provenientes de duas crónicas de Alexandre O'Neill, encontradas no livro "Uma Coisa em Forma de Assim", publicado no mesmo ano em que nasci.

"O solitário sobe e desce pelo tempo a seu bel-prazer. Fala o menos possível. Entrou na abstinência sexual e só de longe em longe se permite «esgaramantear uma laustríbia», como dizia, sem étimos aparentes, o Mário Ramiro. O solitário está nas suas sete quintas, quer dizer, nos sete dias da sua semana, dias que entram pelas noites, que lividamente se confundem com os dias. (...) O exílio interior pressupõe um corte total com os meandros por onde se movimentam os chamados carreiristas, sempre prontos à transigência. (...) O exílio interior pede uma grande força de ânimo (e um nojo não menor), a alimentação constante de um ideal, um amor sem limites à verdade, o afrontar corajoso de uma envolvente solidão, um elevado espírito de sacrifício. O exílio interior tem algo parecido com a atitude mental dos místicos: o abandono dos pactos com este mundo mundanal para a preservação de um único: o pacto com Deus. O exílio interior (...) é o comportamento coerente que se oferece a quem, rodeado pela adversidade, teima em preservar o pequeno núcleo que faz, fará com que um dia possamos - nós, os pactuantes - dizer aquela pessoa."

além de assentar que nem uma luva na minha situação presente (trocar Deus por vida), contém a expressão "esgaramentear a laustríbia", que acho deliciosa.

for whom it may concern

as ps stated on his evoke report people were asking around where was i during this summer's demoparties. well, i was away from the demoscene, as much as possible. i have some personal reasons to do so, but all my friends from spain till finland, don't worry, i didn't forget you. you are still on my heart. it's just... it's time to take a break.

mainly, there are some personal issues, but i also have the feeling that i'm not being taken serious as a musician inside the demoscene. sure, i played with ultrasound and bass, and i was dead serious about it. but somehow... it isn't worth the incredible ammount of effort we put in it every year.

also, i imagine that people don't really listen to the kind of music i make for the scene. that's how i started, as a musician, and later i was a scene superstar as entertainer (we'll get to that) but my favorite thing to do here is demos. and i created a lot of groups, mainly portuguese, to try to make something. unfortunately, it never worked.

my daily job is music, i'm a professional musician, and somehow i can't make it in the scene. and i hate to come to a party just to present a joke prod, sing the same scene tunes with the guitar and get piss drunk. done that, bought the t-shirt(s). i feel stuck.

about being party host: i've done that twice at breakpoint, and last time was a real nightmare. funnily enough, i had the feeling that it was going to be great, because i didn't have any scene music act to prepare, so all i had to do was drink beer and say amusing stuff on stage. BUT... somehow i felt stupid because no-one was telling me what was going to happen, and you know, i dont speak german, so there's this huge language barrier that prevents me from aknowledging certain things. well... i'm not sure what happened, all i know is that i was several times on stage and had NO IDEA of what was going on. yes, i might have been drinking just a tad too much, but still...

so, i will not come to parties in the near future, but don't worry, i still like to travel :) i'll meet you in a way or another. if you have questions, don't hesitate in contacting me.

weight loss plan (WLP) #327 - Day 0

before giving up, the scales told me i was 92.3 Kg heavy. yesterday, at my parent's the scales said 96 Kg. it's a huge difference. tomorrow i will buy a new one, those kind of heavy duty ones, that can support fat asses like me.

from tomorrow on, i shall eat properly, drink less alcohol and make more exercise.

oh, and by the way, actually it's not the 327th time i try to do it. i did try some times in the past, but it weren't that many. i was just being a tad dramatic...

gostas-te?

normalmente o povo português tem a mania de utilizar a lei do menor esforço em tudo e mais alguma coisa na vida. seria de esperar o mesmo no que toca à língua portuguesa. mas então, isto não faz sentido:

- porquê adicionar o hífen nas formas verbais da 2a pessoa do pretérito perfeito? além de transformar o sentido da palavra, DÁ TRABALHO.

ok, não será muito trabalho, mas devíamos estar a simplificar e não a complicar.

qualquer dia, temos todas as palavras acabadas em "te" com um hífen. por exemplo, bacamar-te, espadar-te, mar-te (o planeta) e o meu favorito xeque-ma-te (gosto de palavras com dois hífens, como far-se-á e o dar-se-á) e vão ter de mudar o teclado português para ter duas teclas hífen..... no caso de uma se gastar...

acabo com la pièce de resistance:

"acabei de chegar ao fim deste jogo."
"fizes-te bem"

you know you are overweight when...

... you sit on the computer stool to check your emails and the stool brakes
... your girlfriend prefers to be on top
... your scales stop working (last known value: 92.3 Kg)
... you have to stretch your neck in order to see your genitalia

i have to do something about this.

how to recognize a good life from a long way away

well, not really a long way away, though sometimes i feel like i'm outside from myself, but that's a different story - no, nothing about drugs...

sometimes we don't realize how lucky we are with the life we have. blame the problems we find during our life time. but those problems are NOTHING if you compare them with other people's, right? wrong. they are part of your reality, and they have their value. it's up to you to decide how much importance you give to them and how fast can you solve them.

i'm so happy today after a great bike ride and a good rehearsal in the theatre that my problems aren't important. not today. who knows about the day of tomorrow, right? but for now, i choose to be happy and enjoy this moment the best i can.

this is the good life. aaaahhhh!.... :)

euskal blues

i'm not going because i don't like it. it's a long journey, lots of money needed and there's barely any scene spirit present, which is why i like going to demoparties. yeah, sure, being 20 hours with my "friends" sounds rather nice, but maybe we can go and camp somewhere, it's cheaper and i prefer.

no, really, i know i'm mixing different stuff here. one thing is the absence of scene spirit and the other one is the vote disqualification. ok, i give you that. so what? 2 bad things that make me not want to go.

all the others, please enjoy and have fun. and don't bug me anymore about it.

requiem

Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine,
et lux perpetua luceat eis.

Lacrimosa dies illa,
qua resurget ex favilla
judicandus home reus.

Huic ergo parce, Deus,
pie Jesu, Jesu Domine!
Dona eis, eis requiem!

Amen.

wizard of oz

"we're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz..."

just like sometimes, when you think things should work out by itself, and they don't, you wish you could visit a wizard that would fix everything. just push some knobs, pull some levers, and it's done.

unfortunately, that's not the way it goes. there's no wizard, there's no good witch of the north, there's no ruby slippers and we're definitely not having a bad dream. sorry for being blunt there, but if we keep on living the way we are, neglecting the near apoccalypse that is coming towards us, we'll be in deep shit soon.

ok, maybe i'm overreacting and all i need is some vacations and rest. but i tell you, next month (july) i will try to lose some weight.